How To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work

Having a long distance relationship can be very difficult. However, if you know some tips to keep and make your long distance lovework, it can be easier for you to bear. In this article, we talk about the pros and cons of this type of relationship, and  we give you some advice on how to survive a long distance relationship. 

Long distance relationship: pros and cons

Long distance relationships are a very common type of affective relationship nowadays. Like all types of love relationships it has some positive things and some negative ones, but loving in the distance can be a very tough experience if both parts do not know how to bear the situation. 

 

However, it may involve one of the definitive tests on the couple and determine whether or not that relationship is worthwhile. To know what this kind of relationship implies, in the following lines we analyze the more common pros and cons of having a long distance relationship.

 

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Pros

Among the most common advantages, we can include the fact that technology makes keeping in touch easier, generating less feeling of distance in the couple. A good communication by videoconference or telephone can make it a lot easier to stay in touch. Also, the independence that each member of the relationship gains is crucial for a personal process of individual growth.

 

This doesn't mean forgetting about the other person. In a long distance relationship there will be a lot of passion and missing the other person, and the stages of falling in love will be much longer than in a conventional couple.

 

Cons

On the other hand, there are some cons to take into account when having a long distance relationship. The lack of physical contact makes the relationship colder, and the feeling of loneliness and frustration because you can't change the situation can be very recurrent. 

 

The constant arguing due to the lack of real communication and the time incompatibility -especially those who are in 2 different countries with time differences- are the main reasons to throw in the towel. Jealousy and distrust are other extras that make doubts, insecurities and unnecessary arguments appear, and they will weaken you as a couple.

 

 

How to make a long distance relationship work

To support and maintain a long distance relationship, many types of advice can help you not to give up easily and cope in the best possible way.

 

1. Keep in touch

It is essential to keep having an emotional connection with your partner because you can't have personal contact. Although conversations do not have to be very profound, it is essential to be in touch constantly no matter how insignificant it could seem. 

 

2. Keep some time for your own

It is important that, apart from keeping in touch (you could set a timetable), you also need to have time for your own. Meet new people, focus on the project you are there for or simply dedicating some time to oneself is necessary to grow as a person and as a couple. Thinking about oneself and doing things independently doesn't make you a bad partner and you must keep that in mind if you want to be happy in your relationship. 

 

3. Have a calendar of encounters

Seeing each other in person and knowing when it will happen will foster excitement and desire. Keeping the flame alive and looking for a reason to wait is when we manage to keep the relationship going.

You can develop a regular program or short-term plans. Seeing, touching and feeling will be the drug that will make you want to stay together and not ending the relationship due to the lack of contact.

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4. Express feelings

Although written messages can be misunderstood,  it is important to express thoughts and feelings at all times, no matter if they are good or bad. Honesty will be a great friend of yours. Also, the more you open up to each other the more you will get to know each other more deeply, and in this way, you will be able to find a solution or not to the problems that arise.

 

5. Innovate sexually

Don't be embarrassed, you're far away, and that's a big problem on the sexual plane. Luckily there are a large number of erotic games that can be played at a distance and in the funniest way possible. Innovate, feel and warm up the engines so that when you see each other, you make love with much more desire and fieriness. 

6. Be creative

Making distance shorter is more accessible due to  some apps created to have long distance relationships, offering you a high number of possibilities that bring us closer and closer to our loved ones. The most popular apps are Noodler, Bliss and Swiit. 

 

With Couple, for example, -a kind of Whatsapp for couples- you can even give yourself a thumbkiss, a vibration when you both put your finger or lips at the same spot on the screen. Bliss is a slightly more risqué application for playing and raising the temperature at a distance. Finally, Switt allows you to share ideas, plans, photos or writings that can be useful to remember when you miss that special person.

 

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Is it worth having a long distance relationship?

There is not a correct or incorrect answer to this question because  each relationship and person is different.  The moment can or cannot be the right one, as well as the person you are next to at that time. What we can say about all this is that there is a crucial ingredient in the formula to make a long distance relationship work: the willingness. The motivation of both of you is proportional to the level of support of the relationship between the two members.

 

Like all types of relationships, long distance relationships have advantages and disadvantages, but it will surely make you grow in the aspect of love because learning to miss someone is something really positive. Aspects such as valuing what the other indeed provides us with are important experiences in life.

 

However,  always try to be yourselves and pay attention to what you really want or you don't. It might not be the right moment or having this type of relationship is not your thing, as well as it can be an interesting point to reconsider the kind of affective relation and the limits that you want to have.

 

• Original article in viviendolasalud.com: ¿Cómo manteneruna relación a distancia (amor de lejos)? 6 consejos

 

References

Du Bois, S. N., Sher, T. G., Grotkowski, K., Aizenman, T., Slesinger, N., & Cohen, M. (2016). Going the distance: Health in long-distance versus proximal relationships. The Family Journal, 24(1): 5-14. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480715616580

Merolla, A. J. (2012). Connecting here and there: A model of long‐distance relationship maintenance. Personal Relationships, 19(4): 775-795. DOI: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2011.01392.x

Stafford, L., & Merolla, A. J. (2007). Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24(1): 37–54. doi: https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407507072578